This is a very common situation many new parents suffer from and happens a lot more than you may think. This discussion isn’t often spoke about enough and there has always been a stigma around the conversion or people try to avoid speaking about it even amongst close friends or in the doctor’s office.
Things definitely change when you have a baby; your sleeping pattern is non-existent which means you are sleep deprived, your whole daily routine changes, you may not feel your complete best and you don’t have the same time to spend quality time with your partner as much as you used to. A baby just takes over completely and couples lose touch with each other more often than not.
What Do People Find Difficult About Sex After Kids?
One of the main reasons why couples may go off sex is due to how they perceive their body and how women feel after giving birth. Giving birth isn’t glamourous and neither is the aftermath. You are focused solely on your new baby; you tend to forget about YOU which is very normal.
So it may take some time to feel sexual again. It is not easy to feel this way straight after creating a baby inside your body. It’s about re-owning your body and finding space for the sensual part again. But it can take time and there can be many reasons as to why sex is being avoided.
1. Time together
Making time for some alone time should start to become one of your priorities. It’s ok to give you both time to spend with your baby when it arrives because at this point, what else what you rather do? Introducing a dedicated time for just the two of you introduces intimacy and closeness again. It is a fun way to get excited and spend time with your partner and for both of you to somewhat feel attractive again.
2. Attend couple’s therapy
This is a great way to communicate with your partner in a structured manner. These sort of discussions can often be thrown to the side and couples chose to not speak about it. Going to therapy forces you to speak about your relationship specifically therefore its bound to be spoken about. Attending therapy doesn’t mean you your relationship is bad; it just means you are both open to finding out why things aren’t going the way they should.
3. Reconnect to your body
Before you can start to work on the sexual part of the relationship. It’s time to work on yourself. You need to allow yourself to experience pleasure by being attuned to how we experience our senses. What tastes, feels and looks pleasurable? So, your aim should be to work to identify what you like and when to ask for it. You should both separately work on your own identity and then discover each other together.
Consider talking about your feelings and discuss what each of you like and dislike. There are ways to speak to your partner in a gentle and kind way without coming across as blaming them. However, honesty still needs to be at the forefront of the conversation and you both need to be open about your feelings.
It’s not easy to do all of these and tick them off your list all at the same time. Even though you don’t want to leave this aspect out for too long, it is okay to slowly address this with your partner. There is never a right time to start having sex again, it’s all down to how you address the matter together. You both would like things to feel normal again, so work to find a solution in harmony.